Listen, I get it. Life’s been kicking your ass lately and you’ve reached your emotional breaking point. The pain of the world is so pent up in your diaphragm that the only way to truly reset your mind is to get a big, ugly ass cry out. Only problem is you just can’t seem to dig deep enough to hit the E spot that brings the tears rushing down. Been there; and the good news is that weed can help.

5 cannabis strains for getting that big cry out

There are multiple reasons to drop salty eye drops. Most of the time they’re rooted in anger, frustration, exhaustion, sadness, or even happiness. For the people that need help getting your brain and heart to connect, here are 5 different types of weed for 5 different types of cries.

This will be the dumbest thing you read today. 

The frustration cry: Jokerz #31 from Compound Genetics

This is that “Wow, this shit again?” type of cry. That “Enough is enough” type of cry. Frustration by definition is emotional distress from not being able to change or achieve something. It’s that feeling you get from knowing that a raise is never coming from your company, even though your boss keeps saying how much they appreciate and value the work you do, but you keep showing up every day anyway. The frustration cry’s value is that it clears your mind so you can plot on your impending growth stage. For a sit and plot type of cry, you need a sit and plot type of weed. Jokerz #31 is a great choice.

Jokerz #31 from Compound Genetics is a cross of White Runtz and Jet Fuel Gelato. It’ll have your body stuck on the couch, but not silly knocked out, which is the exact type of smoke you need for an “I’ve had enough, it’s time to brainstorm about my reality” type of sesh. Plus, the quality of Jokerz #31 is insane. You’re getting thick, sticky, beautiful buds, yes. You’re getting your white ash of cleanliness, yes. You’re getting sweet and gassy flavors, yes. It’s truly an excellent choice for anyone that needs to get out a “Mary J. Blige, no more drama, no more pain” frustration cry.

The exhaustion cry: Item #9 from Blueprint

This is that “I’m tired, boss” cry. The exhaustion cry comes when you’ve got absolutely no energy left in the tank for life’s bullshit. Work is building up, at home projects building up. Mama need a house, baby need some shoes, times are getting hard, guess what we gon’ do? Cry. That’s what. Cry from complete exhaustion to the point that you have no choice but to pass out after, cause you for damn sure need some rest. For the pass out cry, you need some pass out weed, and that’s exactly what Item #9 was for me.

Blueprint’s Item #9 is a cross of something and something. They don’t release information about genetics so I can’t be positive. All I know is them buds stank like skunky funky and had an oniony type of taste to ‘em. Effects-wise, that I9 high hits you with a slow creep from eyelid down to your collarbone. You’re smoking a joint, going about your day silently, then next thing you know, BAM, your eyelids heavier denabitch. It’s the perfect weed to go with the emotions of being so damn tired from giving all of your energy to life, or social situations, and never having the recharge time for self. Burn some Item #9, get that exhaustion cry out, then hit one of those naps where you wake up ugly.

The happy cry: Whitethorn Rose from Huckleberry Hill Farms

There’s not a single person that has ever smoked Whitethorn Rose and not thought “Goddamn, what is THAT?!” It’s some of the best smelling, best-tasting, and best-feeling weed that has ever existed. Shit makes you wanna kiss a stranger then heel click down Hollywood Blvd on your AMC black-and-white movie shit. That’s why it’s good for the happy cry. The happy cry is celebratory, it’s uplifting, it’s mood-enhancing; but it’s also emotionally draining. So you need that pick-me-up type of high that will keep you in the moment. That’s Whitethorn Rose.

Whitethorn Rose from Huckleberry Hill Farms is a cross of Paradise Punch and Lemon OG. It’s some special ass sungrown cannabis that makes the “outdoor weed is trash” crowd shut the fuck up. The Whitethorn Riggity high makes it impossible to have a bad day. And the terps on it? *clears throat* AND THE TERPS ON IT?! Whitethorn tastes all kinds of different ways: tropical, fruity, citrus, sweet berries, it’s everything that anyone who needs to get off a joyful tear could hope for. Plus, you can get an 8th of it for like $30.

The sad cry: Pomelo Anderson from Fiore

Diving to the depths of sadness just to resurface in beauty like a dolphin out the water is so fire. But to get there, you gotta dig deep to figure out the fundamental source of that painful pit in your stomach. There’s a whole lot of why-when-how self-evaluation taking place and chances are it’ll bring out a whole HEAP of tears (that’s the body tryna purge the poison of depression). The sad cry is the ultimate high of the cries. It is so physically draining that it can literally bring you to the floor. Fuck smoking the weed to get to the cry, you need it for coming down from the cry. That Pomelo Anderson is some adequate landing gear.

Fiore’s Pomelo Anderson is a cross of I have no clue. What I do know is that shit feels great and it tastes heavenly. It’s sweet; it’s citrusy; it’s floral; it’s got some gas on it. Soon as the terps hit your face and tongue, you’re like “Oh wow, did I walk into a grapefruit?” The high is super mellow and relaxing too. That type of high that hits your body from head to toe, but still keeps you in a present-minded euphoria, is great for the comedown after a knee-buckling sad cry.

The angry cry: #26 from Canna Country Farms

An angry cry is an aggressive cry. An aggressive cry needs an aggressive weed. Something that will stimulate your brain to the point that you can see very clearly that everyone and everything has you fucked up. Because it’s true, at least in the moment. To get you past that moment safely, so you don’t harm anyone (or yourself), you should definitely smoke some weed and get out a big angry cry. Or even better, drive out to nature, smoke some weed, and scream at the top of your lungs while the angry tears fall down your face. That primal shit, nahmen? And while you’re doing it, smoke some #26. 

#26 from Canna Country Farms is a cross of Forbidden Fruit and Cherimoya. It’s the aggressive weed that’ll push you to the point of harnessing that anger, and more importantly, releasing it from your body. Lowkey, #26 feels like the Wario version of Whitethorn Rose’s Mario. The strain smells like fruit, tastes like spicy fruit, and hits you with a powerfully invigorating brain high that will have you ready to run through a brick wall like the Juggernaut (bitch). It’s the perfect plant for the angry human that needs a big ol’ weep to restore emotional balance.